Tour of Sufferlandria: Stage 1

Tour of Sufferlandria: Stage 1

January 31, 2013
DEL MAR, CA

Bonjour fellow cyclists! It has been a good off season, beginning base, and transition periods. Now it's time for the first real challenges of the season. Although the Tour of Sufferlandria isn't an official race or event, it certainly is a challenge. And frankly, when am I going to have enough time to compete in a 9 day stage race? NEVER! So at least at the end of the 9th day I can squint my eyes, raise my hands in victory, and feel like I've just completed a 9 day stage race going toe-to-toe with the likes of Fabian Cancellara, the Schleck bros, Mark Cavendish, and Alberto Contador.

Much of the season thus far has been filled with long easy rides. You know the ones-- not getting your heart rate above zone 2, mindlessly spinning along, just tacking on the miles to get miles. Typical base period stuff. And do you know what I call that?

BORING!!!

Thank goodness base period 2 has just begun, where I get to work on force and muscular endurance on top of the speed and cardiovascular endurance! Yay!! Time to climb mountains again! Put myself in the pain cave! Finally I get to suffer! And what a better way to kick off the suffering than compete in the Tour of SUFFER-landria from the creators of the Sufferfest cycling videos! It's in their name for crying out loud!

If you are unfamiliar with the Sufferfest cycling videos, think of the hardest spin class you've ever done, and multiply it by 10! These cycling videos definitely aren't for the weak or casual cyclists. Often you walk away rubber legged; feeling as if you had just jumped into a pool of your own sweat. Gross-- I know. The motto of the Sufferfest community?? "I will beat my ass today to kick yours tomorrow." (IWBMATTKYT) And they certainly beat your ass.

The torture chamber:

That's what I like to call my bike confined to my Kurt Kinetic trainer. I mean when you think about it, it's not too far off from the truth. Cycling away in a dark, wet, garage with no windows; strapped onto a machine that never moves, while you just inflict pain on your legs. Yeah, I'd say torture chamber sounds about right.

Alright let's get going!

Stage 1's course is the video titled "Hell Hath No Fury." Great.. when "hell" is in the title, you know it's going to be bad. Here is the preview video:

Oh wait-- maybe I was wrong. "Sugar, spice, and everything nice?" That doesn't sound too bad. Yeah there is all that "hell" talk and fire burning later, but it certainly doesn't sound like my legs will fall off. I mean let's go over what's in the preview video-- Sugar? Like it. Spice? Like it. Everything nice? Like it. Women on bikes? LOVE IT. So yeah, there is no way it can be THAT bad.

 Start: Warm up 3:30

 See! Nothing too bad. Look! I'm not even sweating. I knew they were gonna start off with an easy stage.

Hmm... that's not a good sign, but I have to admit those are some nice legs!

Interval #1: 6:00

Alright! Enough of this easy warm up stuff! Time to rev up the engine!
What's next! Hills? Cobbles?

...riding in the peloton??! Thanks! I AM doing a good job of sitting in.

Hmm... That's it? I'm done with the interval already? Sufferfest? More like Walk-in-the-park-fest!

Interval #2: 20:00

OK! A 20 minute interval. Let's see what they can throw at me!

 

Alright! Time to get those climbing legs going! No problem, I can hold your wheel!

Crap is right!! UUUGH!! Time to dig deep! Gotta keep that wheel!

Man this climbing just won't end.. What is this feeling in my legs? Lactic acid? Guess they are turning up the intensity. It's gotta let up soon right?

Follow a climb with a STEEPER CLIMB??! Holy frites and mayonnaise! Time to down shift and grind out that big gear!

OK OK. I take back everything I said before. I am suffering now. Just make it stop!! Is 20 minutes over yet??!

Rest Period: 6:00

Whew... I needed that..

Interval #3: 20:00

Another 20 minute? Well, I do feel pretty good after that rest.

So much for hoping I would get to sit in the pack. Time to go with the break!

Geez! Don't you ladies ever give up? We've been going full gas for over 5 minutes!

Time to break the race wide open! Attack! Glory to Sufferlandria! Time to crawl deeper into that pain cave!

Shut up legs! This is for the win! Build that gap!

Don't you ladies know when to quit? Don't bridge that gap! Gah... all back together again. All that work for nothing.

 BLOW THESE GIRLS AWAY! SPRINT!!

ALLEZ! ALLEZ! ALLEZ!!

Rest Period: 4:00

Whew.. Won the sprint, but still down 10 seconds over all. It's all coming down to the team time trial.

Interval #4: 3:30

Team time trial. 3:30 to gain 11 seconds over the competition. Let's do it!

High cadence at LT the whole way! Come on! Forza! Forza!

The zone. This is what it looks like. The pain numbs your body and you focus on the goal. Come on! Push for the line!

Cool Down: 6:00

Whadya know! We beat the competition by 11 seconds exactly! Sufferlandria wins again! Now time for a much needed cool down.


WOO HOO! Stage 1 complete! Now time to ride this endorphin high until Stage 2 tomorrow!

Au revoir!

Tour of Sufferlandria

Get Ready!